One Year

"I couldn't understand myself. I was intensely unhappy the whole time, but I didn't seem to be able to do anything about it, and the worst part to me was the realization that all this was going to happen again and again until I died. I couldn't see that there was any way out of it, and I got absolutely despairing. My only hope was to try and get through what was left of life as best I could, but I could never visualize doing that without drinking (compulsive overeating). The thought of stopping drinking (compulsive overeating) just never occurred to me."
Big Book (Third Edition) p.522

I had lost such large amounts of weight so many times and gained it all back so many times that I really did not see how it could end. I finally seemed to just accept this was the way I was and no weight-loss program would ever work for me to have long term maintenance. Hadn't I proved that over and over? Self-will programs just did not work. When, in desperation, I went to an OA-HOW meeting, I heard for the first time that I have a disease that only a power great than myself can solve. I heard for the first time that I am an addict who reaches for food as the first response to life. I saw for the first time that about 90% of the people in the room were at goal weight and had been maintaining that weight for many years. For the first time I had an answer, a solution, hope for change, tools to use, and supportive fellows to help me.

And now, just about one year later, I have lost 65 + pounds, have gone from a size 18-20 to a size 0-2, but more significantly, except for possible disease-related weight loss or gain, I know I will maintain this weight for the rest of my life. Some people would question how I can know that, and to them I say: because I know my disease now and everyday I live my life to prevent the first compulsive bite. I accept 100% that I cannot ever presume I can eat like a normal person. This is such freedom!