Numbers, numbers, numbers

I am within 5 pounds of the goal weight set for me by my doctor- 125 pounds. To think I once weighed twice that is mind-boggling. My highest BMI was 46, my BMI when I got to OA HOW was 35 and now it is 23. My brain still doesn't have this information registered yet. I perceive myself as fat, even though the visual evidence proves otherwise. I understand from others that it takes time for the cognitive dissonance to go away. I feel like I am always looking in the mirror to try to "see" myself. I don't believe the clothes size I am buying: P4 and some 2's. I try to accept the comments of "you're so small, petite, thin, skinny, etc....one colleague endearingly calls me "small person."

I am so grateful to the friend of a friend who I heard about doing OA HOW and her abstinence and maintenance. I am extremely grateful to my sponsor who guides me with love and discipline. I am grateful to all my OA fellows for sticking with me and picking up the phone when I call. I am grateful to my family for their loving and cheerful support. Mostly, I am grateful to my Higher Power for giving me all those people to help me on this journey. Lastly, I am grateful for the Big Book that tells me:
"The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it."

Woe Is Me- Life on Life's Terms redux

My car broke down last Friday and I got the news today. My transmission needs repair for $5,000! What a terrible time for this news. As we are working to decide a solution, I am so regretful that this has happened. My Prius should have had 100M more miles to go, at least in my thinking...these money concerns really make it hard to stay serene about Deanna's work and waiting for the pay-off. I am trying not to over-think how this could have all gone awry at this time in our lives. When we bought our home the future seemed to secure and bright. I am really struggling not to be resentful of LISC and everything else that put us here, and trusting that Deanna's ship will come in. It is not easy to stay believing that we are right where we are supposed to be. It is not where I like to be, that is for sure. I never want to be poor again. I don't like loosing my options. I don't like being afraid and insecure. I don't like being resentful. I don't want to have to work at this job forever. It is easy to say "Thy will be done," it is not easy to live it, when things are not going the way I want them to.