Food Addiction, the Disease

"An illness of this sort, and we have come to believe it is an illness---involves those about us in a way no other human sickness can." AA Big Book Page 18

Right now we live in a culture that is obsessed with being thin and with hundreds of weight-loss ideas and programs that promise to help us achieve thinness. It is a nationally growing problem that Americans are gaining weight at an ever-growing rate. It seems that many reputable and not-so-reputable sources are researching and/or offering solutions for the symptoms, and very few are considering the source of the disease. It seems obvious that the brain's reaction to certain foods set up the "allergy of the body and the obsession of the mind" that is described so well in the Big Book.

It is a source of frustration for me that so many people are suffering so with this disease and don't know the solution. Denial and delusion are key components of the disease. Also, so many people seem afraid to approach their weight loss in this way. I know I didn't embrace this addiction model until I had exhausted every other approach to weight loss and after spending thousands of dollars.

And as the quote says, our disease and its ramification affects everyone around us.

I pray if you read this blog and need to deal with your weight issues, you will consider the OA - HOW program, so you, too, can be free.

One Year

"I couldn't understand myself. I was intensely unhappy the whole time, but I didn't seem to be able to do anything about it, and the worst part to me was the realization that all this was going to happen again and again until I died. I couldn't see that there was any way out of it, and I got absolutely despairing. My only hope was to try and get through what was left of life as best I could, but I could never visualize doing that without drinking (compulsive overeating). The thought of stopping drinking (compulsive overeating) just never occurred to me."
Big Book (Third Edition) p.522

I had lost such large amounts of weight so many times and gained it all back so many times that I really did not see how it could end. I finally seemed to just accept this was the way I was and no weight-loss program would ever work for me to have long term maintenance. Hadn't I proved that over and over? Self-will programs just did not work. When, in desperation, I went to an OA-HOW meeting, I heard for the first time that I have a disease that only a power great than myself can solve. I heard for the first time that I am an addict who reaches for food as the first response to life. I saw for the first time that about 90% of the people in the room were at goal weight and had been maintaining that weight for many years. For the first time I had an answer, a solution, hope for change, tools to use, and supportive fellows to help me.

And now, just about one year later, I have lost 65 + pounds, have gone from a size 18-20 to a size 0-2, but more significantly, except for possible disease-related weight loss or gain, I know I will maintain this weight for the rest of my life. Some people would question how I can know that, and to them I say: because I know my disease now and everyday I live my life to prevent the first compulsive bite. I accept 100% that I cannot ever presume I can eat like a normal person. This is such freedom!

It's Not Magic- But It Is A Miracle

This expresses exactly how I feel about my recovery and my weight loss. There is no magic to it, really. If you follow a food plan that provides fewer calories than you expend, you will lose weight. Scientific construct. The miracle is that I have been able to follow the food plan, that I have the program in place that enables me to do this, after a lifetime of not being able to do this. The program in place provides everything I need: guidance, support, education, accountability, encouragement, lifelong recovery- and above all, the understanding that I must rely on a power greater than myself to do this. My self is what got me into the state I was in, my higher power is what got me out. How can I ever express the gratitude I feel for the miracle of the H.O.W. program?

Acceptance

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."
Big Book of AA

I have to acknowledge that I have spent much of my time focusing on the changes that need to be made in the world. There have been so many "isms" to correct! I have also dissected and discussed all manner of the ills of others and things that have not gone the way I want them to in life. This segment from the Big Book pulls me up short and forces me to face the truth: my efforts need to be focused on my attitudes and my behaviors; those things that my HP and I can change together. I cannot have both recovery and this outwardly focused selfish attitude of wanting things to be the way I think they should be --today I must choose.

Spiritual Growth & Recovery

Today I was speaking with some of my Muslim friends. This is their month of fasting and they shared some of the benefits of their practice and how it allows for spiritual growth. I realized that by "putting my food in cup" I was also allowing for spiritual growth, much like fasting. As I learned about Islam from them, they learned about the the 12 Steps from me. The similarities were very interesting for us to note.

I have noticed that many of my blogs lately are about my physical recovery, but I do not want to minimize the phenomenal emotional and spiritual growth I am experiencing. This 3-fold program is divinely inspired. I wish I could make everyone see it and be fearless enough to jump in, but alas, that is God's work not mine.

Reaching Goal

I have reached the goal of 125 pounds that my doctor originally set for me! This cannot be real. I now weigh one half of my top weight. As I visualize carrying myself on my back I can see what was happening to my knees, hips, back, and breathing. I am beyond able to express my awe and gratitude at this miracle and now all I can do is carry the message to other sufferers in any way I can. My doctor says I can continue losing until my body naturally stops losing, but no lower than 115 pounds. I recently bought a new pair of jeans size 0. I am not trying to brag about this, but share it to express how amazing the HOW program is! I have never lost below 140 pounds on any of my self-will weight loss methods. I have allowed my body to get to the right weight it is meant to carry on my frame. Size 0-2 right now.

I have to admit to being a fashionista! I love trying on new clothes, trying new styles, and seeking those things that I want to wear, not those things that I can fit into. Since I have no clothes in my size for fall and winter this has meant quite a lot of shopping and I am becoming a bargain fashionista. I know all the best places to find quality clothing at a fraction of the cost. Even my shoe size has changed! I love to help people shop and wish someone would seek my help. I am trying to spread the word about this. I have accepted that I am a fashionista and that it does not equate to being shallow. The promises are coming true.