Driven To Eat?

I recently had an assignment to list the people, places, conditions, and circumstances that drove me to over-eat. These things did not drive me to over-eat, but my response to them did. I over-ate around people with whom I felt anxiety, people who I felt anger or resentment towards, people with who I shared happy times & events, people who I could not control--in fact, I over-ate around most people.

Places where I over-ate include places where I was tired- at home & at work, places where I was having fun- restaurants, parties, vacations, & holidays. Basically I over-ate wherever I was because I am a compulsive over-eater. I often over-ate in the car, whether on a road trip or just driving somewhere.

Conditions that I over-ate in were many. I over-ate when I felt powerless, anxious, lonely, afraid, angry, passionate, sad or when I was facing hard situations. I over-ate when my pride was hurt, when I couldn't get my own way, or things didn't go the way I wanted them to, or things didn't meet my expectations, which was often. I over-ate when my attempts to control everyone and everything did not work. When I couldn't manipulate people and situations to meet my needs- it would drive me towards food; for relief, for respite, for rest, and/or a change for my mood. When I was tired or upset I would over-eat.

Sometimes the only circumstances that that led me to over-eat were the fact that food was present, or if not present, the thought of something I wanted to eat would demand that I make it or go buy it. Sometimes I over-ate because I just couldn't stop until something was gone, and sometimes when it was gone, I would find something else to eat until it too, was gone.

I also over-ate when I felt overwhelmed & didn't know where to turn. I over-ate when I was ashamed of my behavior towards myself or others. I did not know how to apologize or make amends and I over-ate to feel less terrible. I over-ate to stuff down my feelings of pain from being hurt or let down by others.

Mostly, because I am a compulsive over-eater and food addict, my entire response to life & all its circumstances was food.

I love recovery in the OA HOW program because it has given me a new pattern for living and I no longer use over-eating to face my life.