Back to the first promise in the Big Book of AA..."you will know a new freedom & a new happiness." I have been joyful and happy all day today. The weather is gorgeous and I am leaving for sunnier climes tomorrow for 10 days! I have been laughing and smiling and it is infectious. What I thought today is: where did all my natural effervescence and joy go? Where has it been? How did I lose it?
I have always been a sunny girl and a happy person, but somewhere along the way that true nature of mine has gone, replaced by a underlying melancholy and I have become a serious person who laughs too little and does not make the world a brighter place. As I reflect on this, it has to do with my food addiction taking over and the despair and hopelessness I felt. It is also heavily influenced by the sadness I feel for my children and the hard roads their adult lives have taken; the deep despair, with little respite, that I feel over their addiction and mental health problems; the difficulties they are enduring in all areas of their lives. My dreams for my children were shattered long ago. I came into recovery heart-broken over this.
Now that I am in recovery and working my own steps, I have experienced a new freedom and I am finding a new happiness and my old happiness. As I am able to turn my children over to my Higher Power I am finding my joy again. How much more useful I am to those around me. I can walk in the sunlight of the spirit and share my joy.
I welcome back my genuine effervescence! Living is delightful.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment